Two weeks...
It's been two weeks and the pangs of loss still run deep. I try to put on a good show but all throughout the days and nights... it still hurts.
Well, Today was fun and exciting. Okay, not really. I woke up at 4 pm after having been up all night of course. My bodies clock feels like someone forgot to wind it up. Eating! Yeah not so much in the last week or so. I feel like my body is shutting down in alphabetical order and I can't find the reset button. All of this on top of what is now three court dates coming up and all within a week and a half, is killing me.
Well I almost spent the day without talking to anyone but Shawn. I talked to a Chris for a few on messenger and said hi to Diana but they they were all I could take. Love em both. I can see myself growing more and more reclusive by the day lately, and really it's not that hard since I'm not that much fun to be around these days... don't say it. I know I'm not. I don't go anywhere, I don't want to, and I'm not the stand up I used to be. To be honest, I'm not sure i want to be around anyone else except a few people. I feel it might be easier to keep it small and tight so that I don't have the chance to portray myself in a negative manor to others. The few that I enjoy being around hopefully don't get that because ... well, I enjoy being with them. I can only imagine what goes on or is said, otherwise... maybe that's paranoia talking.
So I spent Saturday evening and what is now Sunday morning cleaning my hard drives out, eating what I could and generally thinking about things that I can change. I didn't find many things. I'm a single father who's ex-wife is trying to take the kids away from for her own benifits. On top of that she has the legal system on her side. I have no ... blah. Never mind all of that.
I installed a movie cataloging program again. Guess what I get to do. That's right! Enter all of the upc's by hand again, YAY! At least I have half as many this time? Boo! At least it gives me one more thing to do to both pass time and take my mind off of things. I was going to quit smoking, but then I remembered what I'm dealing with here in the upcoming month and the other 15 years at least.
Well it's 6:30 am on Sunday. I think I'm going to stop here for the morning and hit the sack. HA! Okay well at least going to smoke and read until the book hits my face. Talk to you next time.
Love you and hope that you are happy and well.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
As small as it is, the mention of a book hitting your face as you fall asleep made me smile. The little things, hun. Sometimes it's the little things that get us through the day. Focus on those, as hard as it may be. Sometimes if you start out small, it gets easier to tackle larger obsticles later on. And if you ever need help...with anything....you know where I am, hun. And unlike some people, simpling coming over and sitting around is more than enough of a good time for me. I just like your company. Plain and simple.
ReplyDelete