Day 1

After waking up from what seems like the worst nights sleep ever, I woke up to an anxiety attack. Not just an anxiety attack but one of those attacks that feels like your heart is about to beat out of your chest, grab you by the throat and shake you around a while.
The fact that, like every morning, I reached for my phone to check messages and what not and read a text from you stating that you had made it there safe and sound and had already unloaded, didn't help. As if you leaving my house this morning wasn't a slap wake up call enough. First thought and raced a marathon through my head? "Okay I'm going to go back to sleep for two more weeks."
After the morning's ritual of a Pepsi and a hand full of smokes, my heart stopped pounding and then dropped. On I pressed. Cleaning the house after last nights debacle proved more of a task than usual with my somber state fully intact, but soothingly familiar. Sara got out of work early and stopped by to smoke with me before going to hang out with her mom before work, although I suspect she was also here to gauge if I'd lost my mind yet. She told me quip filled funny stories of the day, and while they made me smile they really didn't improve my mood too much. This was probably thanks in no small part to the steady diet of hum drum "I miss you" type of songs that I listened to while I worked my way through what needed to be done (Everything Sucks When You're Gone).
My parents called soon after the smoke breaks to let me know they were on this side of Bakersfield and to see if I was doing okay. For some reason I held it together until my mother asked if I was okay... I lost that battle as I hung up. After some composure time I returned back to what I was doing to get ready for the kids. Once they arrived at the gate I walked out to give the ankle the gate card. She had Cam jump out and open the gate. After he did so she had the wonderful maternal instinct to allow him to hang from the window (rolled down) with her arm around him while she drove in. Why oh why did I ever file for divorce.
After the kids were settled in we had our delayed X-mas. The kids loved the plethora of toys... except Brenny, he didn't want to open them. Thats okay we'll do it tomorrow. Of course even though they had already had dinner they were still hungry, no surprise there. After a bit of grub and Shawn helping Cam put together one of his presents, I have been in the room with the other two so I could keep them in bed and to sleep, which brings us to now.
I've decided to do my best and recap the days events as funny or dismal as they may or may not be. In one sense it feels that you're here and can keep up to date with the haps and not out of the loop. In another sense... I'm going to be talking to my computer ever night.
Love you and hope that you are well and happy.